Dating (each other) When You Don’t Like Your Spouse

It’s true. Marriage pretty much means repeatedly dating someone that you privately want to strangle at times. I personally would like to welcome you to the only club that includes every married person to ever inhabit the earth.  Here is your club swearing-in ceremony…raise your hand if at any point in the last week:

-You rolled your eyes and sent your husband’s phone call to vm and went back to watching RHONY or texting your BFF.

– You got insanely aggravated because he came home and dropped his clothes, shoes, laptop bag, whatever, RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FREAKIN FLOOR. AGAIN.


or..(and not that any of us ever done this)…You went to bed before him, turned off the lights, and pretended to be asleep because…sex.

Ok, fair enough. You’re not alone. But I refer you to the third sentence of this post. Again, welcome. I’m glad you’re here. 🙂 Because I want to be real about doing date night when you’re kinda over this marriage thing. So, I’m going to call it ironic that when you absolutely should be pressing pause and making the effort to reconnect, well, that is pretty much the exact same time that you don’t want to even see each other’s face.

Now that we’ve gotten it all out on the table with our swearing in circle of no judgement, I want to share something with you. Sometimes it’s ok to not solve the problem, have the discussion, talk it to death, make a plan, call the counselor-the pastor-your small group leader-or-your girlfriend.

May I suggest, instead, try calling a time out on the crazy. Just don’t participate in it.  More than a few of my girlfriends have said that V and I never fight.. HA – it was hard to even type that. We fight.  But..we rebound quickly. We have found that the best way to do that is to not talk about it, just ignore it. Kind of like shutting my teenager’s bedroom door when i don’t want to see the mess. Is the mess annoying? Yes. Is it affecting me, really? No. So..I close the door.  Do i suggest this for the heavy stuff? Absolutely not, but for the small crap? Yes.

Here is a our rebound date night recipe:

Grab your beverage of choice out of your fridge, and some snacks.

Then, grab a blanket, and a game out of the closet. One that works with just 2 players; Boggle, Scrabble, something like that.. and if you don’t have any games – fine, grab a pad of paper and 2 pens for Hangman or Tic Tac Toe.

Why do you  need a game?  Here’s why. Dates over a sit down dinner require conversation.  And..sometimes when you’re so worked up over something  (like paint clothes left on floor not even 2 feet from the washing machine…), you will find yourself wanting to re-hash. Don’t. If you must talk, talk about the game.

Get outside in time for sunset – whether it be your backyard, boat, front steps or the flatbed of your chevy – I don’t care where – ’cause where doesn’t matter. Get yourself comfy on your blanket, set up your game and pour your drinks.

Instead of using your phone to snap or post or text your BFF that “OMG, he did it AGAIN. I’m going to kill him” – put it on Spotify and stream some fun, light music. It doesn’t have to be romantic since you’re probably not feelin’ it just yet. Put on some go-along-to-get-along music.

Now…Drink. Play your turn. Look at the sunset. Repeat.

Did I already say no talking? Read that again and make a mental note. Like zip it. Stuff some cheese in your mouth if you have to.

See, something happens when you’re not allowed to talk. The pressure comes off. You stop harping. And he can’t criticize something that’s not being done. Oh, you don’t harp? Please. Everyone harps. He harps. You harp. It’s one giant string orchestra at times if we’re all being honest. I got called a harpie yesterday. Oh, yes I did. And you know what I did next? I zipped my lip, and went inside and grabbed a beer for him and planned a rebound night for tonight.

This is not the time to talk it through, share your feelings, try and get on the same page. I want to roll my own eyes just typing that. STOP the crazy. Why do we females want to talk so.darn.much.? Just relax. Have some fun. Use that spelling bee brain of yours to kick his butt at strip Scrabble. Maybe make a bet or 2 on whether that word really IS a word.

Listen lovelies.You have a fleeting moment to watch the sun set on a day you are never going to get back. Just watch the damn sunset. And thank God he gave you someone to get mad at on the regular. We should all be so lucky.

Oh, and please don’t over-complicate this because you saw me gettin’ all fancy with charcuterie board. We have been famous for having Slim Jims, grapes and Corona on a many a night and it does the trick just as well. 🙂

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